Where do I go?

Lately, it seems that all doors are closing. I'm not sure why, but none the less they are closing. One by one. Doors that I have waited to walk through and some that I walked through, but now must walk out of... closed. I am in a hallway with door after door slamming shut...

REWIND:
When I was just 13 years old, I realized that God had a plan for my life. I feared deeply that it would be a mission field somewhere in Africa. My guess is someday I will end up there briefly because God definitely has a sense of humor! I digress. At any rate, I knew there was a plan. There was a feeling deep down inside that told me I was created for a purpose. Eventually, when I outgrew my egocentric self a bit, I realized He has a purpose for everyone. 

While on my path of rebellion, shame, guilt and pain, I heard Him clearly calling to me to get back on that path of obedience so that I could fulfill that purpose. One Sunday morning I got up, dressed my little boy and headed down that path. I literally got in the car with no particular place in mind and drove. I passed a church where the people were just going in to service and I pulled in. I sat in the pew in the back and repented. I have no idea what the choir sang or the preacher preached, but I can tell you for sure that was the day things changed. 

In a matter of months, I was back in college and met my man(again!). We were married 2 months later and my adventure kicked in high gear. There were 3 children between us and within 3 years there were 4. I was a mom, wife and active church member of our local church(the one I just happened to walk into one Sunday morning). I loved VBS, children's choir and all that it entailed. The Lord moved us to Georgia and began to tug at my heart about working with women at church. I didn't even know there was a name for it at that point, but after a visit to our pastor's office I knew it was exactly where I needed to be. We started a Women's Ministry at our church and it grew quickly. It was fun, fulfilling, many times trying, but above all it was my "spot". I was comfortable and enjoying my "spot" right up until my world was dumped on its head. 

My hunny was deployed and then he returned 14 months later. He felt we needed to move back to Alabama and I was learning a new word... submission. So we moved back and he wanted to go to the church I grew up in. I wasn't happy, but remember that new word from God's Word... submission. I felt very lost. I left behind dear friends, coworkers and family that I came to know and love during those years in Georgia. There was no place for me in this church. The women had a director. I searched for a new place. I even worked at creating a way to connect people to the things they wanted to do, but it just didn't work. 

So here I sit... 4 years later... awake at midnight... cannot sleep... cannot stop wondering what is going on. Where do I go from here? What is it that I am suppose to do? My mom used to always tell me that I couldn't save the world. I would laugh and tell her that I most certainly could! I would drag entire families home for dinner or strangers I met in the campground. I was all of 5 at this time. There were hungry people and we had food. Problem solved... right?! As a mom, now I get why she wasn't exactly ecstatic at the idea of 1-5 more people spontaneously for dinner! 

Today, I am not feeling that way. I am feeling very much that I cannot save the world or even my corner of it. As discouragement creeps in  and my eyes fill with tears, I know that I am not really anyone's savior so please don't misconstrue my words. Jesus Christ is the one and only Savior. I just love Him so much and want to share Him with the world, so that they might love Him too. I just don't have a door to walk through to do that... or even a window to crawl out of or even the light from the crack in the next door. 

I read a picture on facebook that said learn to praise him in the hallway while you wait on the door to open. Here I stand in the hallway. Waiting on the Holy God to open a door, illuminate the next tile in this journey I am on, or to feel the breeze creeping in under the window sill as it begins to crack. I feel alone. I feel like there is no use for me. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I am so glad that I don't have to depend on my feelings, but that I can depend on God's Word. Because no matter how I feel... His Word says he has a plan(Jer. 29:11). I can do whatever He has for me(Phil 4:13). He loves me(John 3:16). He is here with me(Matt 28:20). No matter how I feel... His Word>how I feel!

Much Love! 

Elmo

I bet you are wondering what in the world I am going to say about Elmo today. Well I am not going to talk about the lovable, ever so red, fuzzy little character on Sesame Street. No. There is another Elmo out there in the world... well at least there is in my world! His name is not really Elmo, but everyone calls him Elmo just the same. Elmo is a part of our Celebrate Recovery leadership team. Often he gets up and says, "Hi. I am Elmo and I have been delivered from Elmo." It is usually met with a round of laughter as is many of the things he says. He has this way about him that is so incredibly unusual that most people do respond with a nervous kind of laughter. He is completely and utterly transparent. That seems to make people nervous. It's like we think he has some sort of magic power. If he is completely transparent, he may expect us to be completely transparent or even worse... he may know that we are not being completely transparent!

I will never forget the first time I heard him speak. He admitted that his grammar wasn't all that great and that he wasn't a great speaker. I can assure you that this English teacher cringed at many of the things that came out of his mouth. I thought, "Oh my. Perhaps he would be open to us sitting down and tweaking his grammar skills just a bit." I even offered to help him. I just knew he would want to improve those skills since he had began his spill with the admittance of his rusty grammar skills. Well, much to my dismay, he wasn't interested. He said he wasn't much on that school stuff. I shook my head and decided that this was in fact the real Elmo and anything else just would not be as effective. He is a no holds barred kind of guy. If it pops in his shiny head then most likely it has already popped out of his mouth.

The one thing that I find so wonderfully refreshing at Celebrate Recovery is that there really aren't that many people wearing masks. Its all just right out there in the open. We talk about those things we have done in our lives that we are SO not proud of and we stand in awe that the Lord delivered us out of those pits! Everyone literally comes just as they are and God is there every time. He loves us just as we are, so shouldn't we love others just as they are? He came to live a life as an example of how we should strive to live. He always met people where they were, right there in their mess, and he lovingly called them to God. He urged them to turn away from their life of sin and follow Him. He surely wasn't trying to correct their grammar or help them state their seemingly possibly offensive story in a more politically correct way that would be potentially less offensive. Oh if only I could be more like Jesus and see the beautiful person that He sees when He looks at His children... make it so Lord... make it so...
Much Love,
Christie 

So very thankful

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 47:1
Last night I attended a summer preview of 31 products(WAIT! Don't go this is NOT A SALES PITCH!!) and during the preview there were several women that gave their "why" story. This is why they started their 31 business. Anyway, the first one was a lady, we will call her Ruth, and she started by telling how her daughter lost her baby and her ability to walk well from a blood clot in her leg. I almost fell out of my chair and on my face. Did she say that her daughter had a blood clot during pregnancy and lost her baby and ability to walk well to the point that she could not work??? OH my! I have taken God for granted! AGAIN! But this time in a huge way!! This story felt all too familiar to me, but with a twist. I realized in that very moment that if it weren't for the grace of God, my mother could have told the same story.
As Ruth told her story, I fought back the tears. I felt so silly crying over a 31 story(if you had heard it, you would have cried too!), but I could tell that very same story with a different ending. She continued talking about blood clotting disorders and depression and doctors appointments and the need to help her daughter. Thirty-one afforded her the ability to stay with her daughter and earn a living. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I have ran into many people throughout the years that said they had a blood clot too, but it wasn't one of the same magnitude as mine.
Yep that's right... I said mine. Blood clots are very common late in pregnancy, but not in the beginning. When I was 10 weeks pregnant, the doctor's found what I am going to describe in layman's terms as a huge blood clot in my leg. They had never seen anything like it. They admitted me to the hospital. After an afternoon of tons of tests, six doctors stood at the end of my bed and said, "you have a DVT. you have a 50/50 chance of making it through the night. we don't know how to treat you, so we will call UAB in the morning and see if they can help us. Every treatment that we can think of will hurt the baby even though there is no way you will carry it full term...Dr. Christenberry insists we try to save mom and baby. Until then... lay flat, don't move, we will put heparin in your IV and hope for the best." Excuse me doctor did you just say I could die...TONIGHT!? What!!!? This baby I have prayed for and tried so hard to conceive is not gonna make it??
Excuse me GOD this what not in the plans. I got married, it was time to have the baby you wanted me to have and now I could die and not have that baby. Well to say I freaked out a bit was an understatement. There was an angel of a nurse that sat by my side all night(I am not kidding!) and prayed for me. My mom immediately had a prayer chain going with some of the greatest pray warriors I have ever known. I made it through the night, but was not out of the woods yet. Ron Hayes, Jimmy Battles, Bro. David Cofield and a couple of other men(I wish I could remember who else was there) came to the hospital(you know it's bad when they call in the big guns!) and prayed over me and the baby. I ended up in the hospital for 10 days before they would let me walk again. Oh yeah... apparently after 10 days you forget how... I could stand, but could not remember how to move my feet. After a couple of days, I began to shuffle my feet enough to walk around. They kept working with me to get my feet to working. They let me go home, but I still had the clot and the baby and wasn't walking well. I would need round the clock supervision. They told me how it would feel if the clot moved to my heart or lungs(I'm not sure why I had panic attacks that whole pregnancy!)and sent me on my way home.
I came home. Learned to walk again.( I have lots of funny stories of me and Seth during this time. He had a back injury at the same time! Poor Mom and Dad and Jamey!)
In about the 5th month I began to spot on a Sunday morning. I cried out(no screamed) to God begging him to let me have this baby. After all we had been through, please don't take her! Mom went to church and told her friends(no doubt Susie, Charlotte, Carolyn and Jean were in that mix). They prayed for me. I went to the doctor and found out she was fine, but I had kidney stones! Yikes! Are you kidding me? But ok yay the baby is fine!
I went to the doctor and the lab every week. I had sonograms once a month. I ended up with gall stones before it was all said and done. I could tell many more details, but I won't. It was three weeks until my due date. Routine doctor's visit... It was time! Michaela Elizabeth Pickard was born on May 20, 1998 at 3:44 in the afternoon weighing 6 pounds and 8 ounces! Tina said I looked so shocked when she was born! I was! My little miracle baby was finally here and she was perfect(just asked Dr. Christenberry... he demanded a 10 on her apgar!)!
Last night as I listened to "Ruth's" story. I realized mine was the same as her daughters with a different ending. I am not sure why God chose to allow me to walk and Michaela to be born. Why would she lose her baby and lose of full function of her leg? I don't know the answer to that question or any others like it, but I do know as sure as I am typing this story He has a plan for all of our lives.
I do have days when my leg swells and it hurts. There are ugly purple broken veins near my ankle that will never go away. Today I rejoice in those things! Thank you God for vericose veins!!!!
Much Love!
~Christie

Finally!

I have been locked out of my account for a year. Well at least I thought I was! It was simply simple to get back in to the system. I never even tried before today. Isn't it funny how we build things up as an impossibility and then when actually faced with the task, it is actually not nearly as hard as we have imagined it might be. This is true so often in my life. I stress and worry and whine and dread and then ... Viola.., I am there, standing dreadingly in the face of this insurmountable monster feeling sure I might die at any moment, but no...the monster is not a monster at all and in fact it's more like a stuffed animal than the wildly beast I previously imagined. God is so awesome like that! Well, here's to a new year of happy blogging!

Truth

This morning a facebook friend of mine posted John 8:32 and then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
I love this verse and use it often, but I think I have used it out of context. It has been used as lines in movies and tv shows in the wrong way. You see, our word cannot free anything or anyone, but I know someone's word who can. In verse 31, the Bible says that Jesus said to the Judeans who had believed in Him, "If you continue to follow my teaching, you are really my disciples, and then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." Wow what a radical difference it makes when you put it all together. That scripture is not about us telling the truth to anyone. Shut up! It is about discovering the truth by following Jesus' teaching...wonder wherever could I find that... Oh yeah! In God's Word! If we study His Word then there will be no confusion about what truth is and that my friend is the kind of truth that sets you free!! Woohoo! I'm shouting... are you? What an awesome God we serve that His very Word is powerful enough to free us! Hmmm I wonder what you need freed from today. Are you angry with someone? Are you lying to someone? Are you coveting something? Are you drinking to much? Are you addicted to drugs? Are you having an affair? Whatever sin we are stuck in can be forgiven and His Word can be our freedom!
WOW! What a mighty God we serve!
Much Love!

Be careful little ears...

When I was younger, I remember a song O be careful little eyes. I loved that song and thought it was so much fun to sing. As I continue to age, I realize how much truth is in this song and lately have an increasing urge to sing it to our young people. There is so much deception in our world today. Don't think it all looks like the devil! Oh no dear ones, the devil can use things that sound good to lead you astray. The obvious sex, drugs and rock and roll are easy to spot bad guys, but there are other bad guys that they themselves do not know that they are bad guys. Satan is the great deceiver and believe this... he knows the scripture like the back of his hand! He can take a verse and use it out of context to lead you astray. That is why it is SO important for you to study God's word for yourself and not rely on someone else studying it for you. My first line in most of my teachings is look it up, check out what I teach and if it doesn't line up call me on it. This practice should apply to everyone that teaches the Bible. We are human. We make mistakes. The slightest slip of our tongue can lead others astray. It is why the Lord says that He will hold us accountable for what we teach.
There are many charismatic and feel good teachers more than willing to tickle your ears with exciting and sweet words. They tell you what you want to hear or what they think sounds good. Check them out. See if their word truly lines up with God's word and if it doesn't then stop listening to them! If you really believe they are men or women of God, take time to correct them in love. A true word from the Lord can be sweet and exciting of its own merit and not being sensationalized by man.

Guys, doctrine is simply teachings or beliefs and religion is a body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs. That is not from the devil!It can be perverted by man, but in and of itself is not wrong. You have a doctrine and religion even if you don't go to church or you go to a different church. Legalism is from the devil. Perverting God's Word is from the devil, but if you don't have beliefs and adhere to them then, as Bro. David said about his glasses, you are as lost as a ball in high weeds! Your doctrine needs to be based solely on the Bible and your religion needs to be serving God! If we were more religious about serving God through serving others, this world would be a much different place.
Just be careful little eyes what you see and be careful little ears what you hear. Mama always said that the devil will feed you a little lie with a lot of truth. Beware of the little lies mixed with truth...
Much Love!

Ministry

Many churches have a "ministry" type day. It may be visitation or a soup kitchen or AWANA's or Celebrate Recovery, but they all have a day. The intent to have an organized day is noble indeed, but I am afraid it is falling short of what our churches really need to be doing.
The mass majority of our members at any given church on any given Sunday(or Saturday) at any given denomination show up, critique the service and return home without affect. They don't change their lifestyle, make a sacrifice, or get out of their comfort zone in any imaginable way except maybe our organized day. You know, they volunteer at the soup kitchen or maybe teach Sunday School or some other noble attempt at helping others. Then, ignore opportunities to serve the other 6 days of the week.
Brennan Manning said(and DC TALK borrowed), "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips then walk out the door and deny Him with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world finds simply unbelievable." I have to agree with Manning. How can we speak of His amazing love and then have none for our coworkers? How can we speak of His compassion and forgiveness and show none for those around us? How can we speak of His service and do none? If we are true followers of Christ, we must then strive to become more Christ-like! We must show love, have compassion and forgive freely and most of all serve others.
Oh we are so going to mess up! I do everyday, but the goal is to STRIVE to be more like Christ. Ask Him to let you see people the way He sees them. He will give you that ability in order for you to serve others.
My point is that ministry should not be compartmentalized into one day. It should be a way of life. Those organized days that churches set up are intended to help you make a habit of ministry not to be your only time of ministry. Ministry needs to happen every single day of the week. It needs to be part of our very being to want to serve others in whatever capacity the Lord has gifted us. Go! Go to your visitation night! Volunteer at the soup kitchen! Please volunteer in whatever capacity your church offers THEN use the skills you learn in the organized ministry to help you serve others every single day of your life. Begin looking for ways to use those skills. Ask the Lord to reveal to you the people that you can minister to and in what capacity. Ministry is not about traveling to Indonesia or Africa or Japan to rebuild a city or take a Bible where it has never been before... its about looking at your fellow man, seeing a need that you can meet and simply meeting it. Sometimes that does mean you travel to Africa or Indonesia or Japan, but sometimes it means that you walk over to the cubicle next to you at work.
One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 25: 35-40... nope, not going to give it to you... look it up... while you are at it go ahead and read 31-46.
MUCH LOVE!!!